Let Me Explain
by FreekyDisaster18
Summary: Ewan wants his chance to tell the love of his life the whole story. If only he could say it to his face. Ewan based. One Shot.


**AUTHORS NOTE: I was bored so I decided to give you flashback into Krystal and Ewan's relationship. I know it's not actually anything to do with Taggart but shush. I was bored, OKAY? I would also like to point out; I'm not that anti-Catholicism that will be mentioned later. I've been brought up strict catholic but it's totally not my fault that I've wandered away now. Hahaa, so please don't come after me with flaming torches and pitchforks? Thank you.**

**DISCLAIMER: Um, I don't own Stuart if I decide to mention him. Obviously. Unfortunately **

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**The Meet**

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I remember the first day I met Krystal. She was simply beautiful and all the boys in the playground wanted to go out with her. I was sat on the brick wall watching Ronan play football with his friends. Football didn't much interest me because I was what they called the thinker of the group. It was nice of the boys to let me hang out with them seeing as I was a year younger and my own friends were the weeds that they actually picked on. Being Ronan's baby brother sure gave me immunity against the harsh world that was school.

It would be two years until I finally reached popular status and I don't even remember how it happened. I remember rumours that me and Krystal had gone past kissing and because Krystal had picked me meant that I was a sex god amongst all my peers. Well that doesn't matter now, I'm stepping off on a tangent.

She had entered through the front gate. Her skirt was too short to even be counted realistic, her socks up to her knees and her hair was in beautiful waves as she struggled with the shoulder on her bag. I hadn't even noticed her because my eye was on the game. I'd just noticed that Ronan was starting to lose breath and he looked a little tired. Mother had warned me on a previous occasion to keep a careful eye on him because he wasn't well. I remember how my parents never told me what was wrong with him but I sure as hell knew that he wasn't well.

She dropped her bag down on the wall next me and perched beside me. Her nails were painted a bright red and she pulled out a box of cigarettes. She pulled one delicately out with her fingers and I swear, my attention was just on her. She made it look so mesmerising even though I hated smoking. She put it the white stick in between her lips and then lit it before turning to offer me the box, one of the cigarettes poking through the end as if telling me that I should take it. I know most boys would have willingly taken it even if they didn't smoke just because this gorgeous woman had offered them one but I still shook my head. I wasn't going to change my ways for some woman, no matter how beautiful she was.

I expected her to just shrug her shoulders and move on but instead she just simply used her thumb to push the cigarette back into the box before shoving it back into her bag. She then turned to look at me with the most prettiest smile, "It's not every day someone turns down a cigarette." I could see people looking at me as if I was insane but I just nodded.

"They taste horrible and they definitely don't make you look cool. They make you look desperate for status." I simply stated and she just cracked up laughing, her hand moving to touch my shoulder and I felt the electricity jolt through my skin. I looked into her eyes and saw that she was as shocked as I was but I just moved away and coughed. I was only a wee boy at the time, remember.

"It's like a breath of fresh air."

"What is?" I found myself asking because I knew she weren't on about that cigarette. Everyone knew the danger of those things and they sure as hell didn't help you breathe in fresh air!

"Being spoken to as if I'm a real person," she explained before shrugging her shoulders and looking around the playground. "I know you can see how all the boys are gawping at me." I took a quick scan and noticed that everyone was staring at her and even my own brother was looking over. I decided that he was probably trying to decide why she had picked to talk to me when there were so many other gorgeous guys hanging out in the playground.

I'm not going to lie about this but back in high school, I wasn't the handsome guy that I am today. I had thick glasses; my hair was long and fell into my eyes. My clothes were Ronan's pass-me-downs because my parents were struggling to make ends meet. We were the stereotypical of children that's dad was a miner and he'd gone on the strike making us all suffer. Thankfully mum had a job but that still didn't mean that I was a disaster. Ronan, however, always managed to look like some kind of sex god. I'm sure all younger brothers envy their older one but I really envied Ronan. Every night I dreamt that I would wake up and we'd have switched places. Girls loved him, he was sporty, popular and even the teachers loved him even though he never did any homework or anything.

"They're gawping because you picked me too talk to." I simply stated pushing my glasses back up my nose and smiling at her. "I'm Ewan McIntyre and I'm the geek of the school."

"I seriously doubt that." She laughed and I looked over at her, my eyebrows knitted together and she went onto explain, "You don't have enough bruises to be the geek of the school."

"You see this geek has the ultimate bodyguard in the form of the most popular boy in school." That was when Ronan decided to run over and wrap his sweaty arm around my neck, his hand ruffling my long hair. "This is my brother, Ronan." I explained pushing him away not liking the sudden show of affection. I'm not saying that Ronan and I weren't close but boys just didn't hold onto each other like sisters did.

The girl had just nodded her head before turning her attention back to me, "so do you want to get an Irn Bru after school with me or something?" She asked and I was shocked. I found myself nodding and she just grinned, "That's great. I'll see you later." She lifted her bag off the wall and started to walk away. I was aware of Ronan's eyes on her arse so I lifted his chin so that he was staring at the sky.

"She's still human." I told him with more force then I'd normally ever use to my brother and he just laughed.

"For her to pick you out of everyone else, I don't think so." He laughed before moving as I went to take a swing at him. I might have been a geek but I sure as hell knew how to defend myself. He just smiled at her. "Don't muck it up and you'll be fine." I had just simply laughed at his comment before leaving.

I didn't muck it up but we did agree that being romantically involved was stupid. I think she saw that I was too innocent and I saw that she was too well known with the world, I'm sorry but I don't know how to subtly but that. I suppose it's clichéd to say that a beautiful friendship was created from that moment. She would talk to me about almost everything and I'd listen, offer advice and then we'd just have a good laugh.

She had joked many times that I was like her gay best friend but I hadn't really taken any notice of it. I mean couldn't it be "normal" for a boy to want to spend time with his best friend watching movies, eating chocolate and crying at sad endings! I remember watching an Officer and A Gentleman. That happy ending made me weep for a good thirty minutes or so. I used the excuse of you just need to love a happy ending! She saw straight through me and I suppose that's because we were extraordinarily close.

Ronan tried so many times to flirt with her but she never noticed. She would look at my brother as if she was bored by his presence. I think I loved her simply for that because most girls would have melted inside if they'd have known that Ronan wanted to spend time with them. However Krystal just focused on me and me alone. That sure made me feel good inside even though there were rumours that we were sleeping together. Krystal didn't seem to care whereas whenever I was asked I went beetroot red and that made her laugh but she never really teased me about my innocence.

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**My First "Moment"**

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That was what we always called it between us two whenever I told her. She merely just patted my shoulder and said it was a "moment" and assured me that it would soon pass. I wasn't quite so sure because I noticed that with age, my "moments" got stronger and soon they were starting to take over my mind. I enjoyed my moments even though I had been brought up believing that it was wrong. The "moments" made me feel human for the first time in my life!

We were out in a nightclub because we'd both just turned eighteen – we'd long since established that we were born two days apart and it had excited us both – and we had decided to postpone her birthday celebrations and wait until I was old enough too because she said I was the only friend she actually wanted to celebrate with and it would suck if I wasn't there. So we had decided to wait.

She was dressed in a short mini dress and her long hair was down in her waist but her fringe had been gelled up to give it height. She looked mesmerising and I knew that I'd be fighting the guys away from her all night because I'd already been given the pep talk by her father. Now the clubs back then are pretty much the same as they are now but the drug taking was a little more obvious because it actually wasn't a crime. So we were going out but we were going to have clean fun, we had both decided this and she knew I didn't like smoking so I wouldn't want to be snorting cocaine up my nose.

The nightclub was heaving and we looked at each other smiling because this was the kind of thrill we were both after. We wanted to dance with people and drink. We wanted to know that we were finally adults and our parents wouldn't treat us like children anymore. It was exhilarating but at the same time daunting. She grasped my hand and squealed with excitement before dragging me through the crowd.

Now Stephan was a handsome guy, he had ginger hair that was nearly shaved to his scalp but there was an inch or two remaining. He was wearing a shirt that had several buttons undone and he walked around the bar with his hands tucked into his black jeans. I had managed to lose Krystal among the crowd so I was pushing through try to find her but nothing seemed to be working and that was when I walked into him, his drink spilling over the two of us. He didn't get angry like you expect guys to do in a nightclub. Instead he just laughed it off and then told me to follow him to the bathrooms where we should clean up.

We walked into the bathroom and then he pushed me into one of the toilet cubicles, one of his hands pressed against my chest as he reached behind him to lock the door. He smiled sweetly at me and I could feel my skin tingling slightly under his hand and my heart was racing. His hand slid down my front before starting to undo the top button to my jeans. I think he had guessed that I was innocent to this kind of stuff because he was moving so slow and he was whispering as he did it. I can still remember his voice.

"Don't worry, little one. I won't hurt you." His voice breathed as he pressed a kiss to my bellybutton. The muscles there quivered at his touch and the warm breath that he realised on his low chuckle tickled the contracting skin. "Just breathe and relax." My trousers were at my ankles and I knew I should tell him to stop it, that I didn't want this and he had read me wrong but at the same time I knew that if he did stop my heart would break and I'd lose the will to live.

I'm not going to get too graphic because I still want you to be talking to me afterwards but that "moment" was pretty fantastic and I can just remember the way Stephan finished the business by swallowing everything, pressing another kiss to my bellybutton before taking hold of my lips with too much aggression than I'd like to call normal. He moved away and just smiled, "I think you've been the best yet." He whispered before kissing me one last time and then turning to leave me alone.

I sank down onto the toilet, my jeans still around my ankles, and thought of his hard lips against mine. I could taste myself and him there and that got me just as excited as having his lips around me had been. I remembered simply going to the toilet, making myself look decent again before leaving to find Krystal stood at the doors looking worried. She told me she had seen me going in with some guy and she was afraid that he had been about to hurt me. I had just laughed and shook my head.

"Krystal," I had calmly said resting my hand on her shoulder and smiled. "I think I'm over my 'moments'." She smiled and I knew she thought that it was because I had decided that I was "normal" but I knew it was because I had had my thrill. I had experienced it and now I should have been able to act "normal" in front of people.

If only things could be that simple.

* * *

**Save Your Soul**

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I never told Krystal about Stephan because I knew that she would freak out and start on some sort of tirade to make sure that I never did something as stupid again. I hadn't been with another guy since Stephan but I had also ignored every woman that had attempted to ask me out on a date or seduce me into their beds. Some of them were really pretty but nothing triggered off my desire like some of the guys that I had seen. I knew I was gay by this time and I was afraid.

I was afraid of my parents. My father was a strict catholic and my mother had once been but she had stopped going to church on a Sunday morning to look after Ronan. Ronan always seemed to fall ill on a Sunday morning after a Saturday night out but at that age I didn't really understand what that was over and I suppose if I did know, I didn't want to know because I was serious about my anti-drug campaign. I knew that if my father ever learnt about my "moments" I would be disowned from the family. Hell, if he was still alive he'd disown me from the family. It was wrong in the eyes of his church and he believed his sons should follow the strict rulings.

We were to marry pretty girls that had been taught how to make good housewives, we would only focus on each other and then we'd give him beautiful grandchildren that would be brought up with a catholic education and they'd understand that being homosexual was wrong even though daddy was hiding his own emotions. I suppose that the Catholic Church have a few answers to offer seeing as it's religion that starts many wars and I do think that Catholicism is kind of bigoted. It appears to hate everything and anything.

My brother was just bigoted in general. He was the ultimate homophobe. It came out only a month or so beforehand that a couple of guys that co-owned a house down the road – students – were homosexual together and Ronan was one of the boys that had thrown bricks at their windows and had painted the word "FAGGOT" over their front door. I had stood back from my bedroom and watched. I felt sick to the stomach and that was when I decided that I needed to do something.

I went to Krystal's house. I needed someone to talk to me and even though Krystal was a strict catholic – despite her image – I knew that she wouldn't judge me because she was my best friend. Her father let me in immediately, explaining that his daughter was in her room and if I could convince her to come down then that would be beautiful.

She was lying on her bed in tears and I immediately moved over to bring her into my arms. I stroked back her ginger hair and saw the deep gashes on her inner thighs. Suicide was also a mortal sin so she'd obviously attempted to cut somewhere that wasn't obvious. She obviously wasn't so up-to-date with how the police did these kind of things. I looked at her and asked for an explanation.

"I did it last night." She whispered into my neck and I felt my spine stiffen as I moved her away to look at her. We had both been brought up by old fashioned parents and I didn't know what to say or do so I just stayed silent for a few moments. "What happens if I'm pregnant?" She whispered as she flung herself back into my arms and I realised immediately that that was obviously her biggest worry.

I held her for a few moments before looking down at her. "Marry me." I whispered and she looked up at me with her wide eyes that looked like crystals because of the teardrops that were still forming at the bottom. I stroked back her ginger hair and laughed. "Then if you are pregnant the child is born into a marriage."

"You won't mind that it's not your child?" She whispered and I realised that I didn't care because it would probably be the only way I would have one. I had brought up believing that children happened with the woman you felt passion and love towards. I didn't feel that with any woman but I did feel some sort of love with Krystal. It was just wasn't passionate love like your mum and dad have.

I shook my head and whispered, "No because I'll still raise him as if he was my own." I promised moving the hair out of her face again and leaning it to press a light kiss against her lips.

This was the first time we'd ever been so close and the kiss had been nice but nothing had happened. No sparks, no desire to push her back on the bed and have my wicked way with her. Nothing but I had been told that that happened in a lot of marriages in that day and age. You got the girl pregnant and even though you didn't love her, you married her because if you didn't her daddy would probably come after you with a shot gun. They weren't kidding when they called them shot gun weddings!

She looked at me and smiled through her tears, "I do love you, Ewan." She simply whispered before holding me close and then looked at her bedroom door. "If you're serious I think we should elope so that none of them can stop us..."

And obviously I agreed. I needed this as much as she did.

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**The Ceremony and the Night to Follow...**

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It was the simplest ceremony ever. She wore a pretty white dress that made her look radiant and I was wearing simple jeans with a shirt. We had come alone and had asked the other couple in the waiting room with us to be our witnesses. I think they wanted to say no because they were much older than us and I could see them thinking "stupid kids throwing their lives away" but me and Krystal acted normally like two best friends and they must have thought we were in love or something because they eventually agreed.

We said our "I do's" and Krystal wept like any new bride did. I found myself wondering if it was because she'd lost her freedom to be with me forever but when she smiled at me, I felt guilty for thinking that. I suppose I was just upset myself that I had made this dramatic move to make sure that my secret was never found out. I held onto her and gave her a light kiss on her lips before whispered, "I love you." She smiled up at me and mouthed the words back before taking my hand. We thanked our witnesses then left.

We had a small picnic out in one of the parks, our shoes off as we laid back on the blanket. I looked at the cheap piece of gold we both wore on our fingers and I couldn't help but smile sadly as I looked over at her. She looked back at me and saw my expression so she sat up, her hand lightly touching my cheek. "Are you okay?"

"I just wish today had been more special for you, Krystal. I've rushed you into this."

"No." She said shaking her head, taking my lips lightly with hers before sitting up and smiling down at me. "I rushed you into this by being stupid enough to get drunk and then go home with some guy." She snuggled against me and she pressed her cheek to my heart. "Ewan, I'll always love you." Even if it wasn't true love was left unsaid but we both knew it was lingering there.

That night we decided that we might as well attempt to consummate our marriage for the first time. We were both like nervous school children and the lights were off as we undressed. Her hands pressed against my body to no pleasure. My lips touched her skin and not once did I hear the excitement that you hear people talking about. The deed was eventually over and we just held each other. No words were shared between us but we both knew that we had probably, sexually, made the biggest mistake of our lives.

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**The First Fight**

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It turned out she wasn't pregnant but we didn't care. We had settled into married life. I had a job working down in the local nightclub as a barman and she walked out the library as an assistant. It was simple as that. She would come home from work, we'd eat together and then I'd leave for my job. It worked like clockwork. I would come home about four am and then I'd climb into bed, pull her close to me and we'd sleep contently in each other's arms. We did give off the impression that we were two young people in love to the outside but on the inside we knew differently.

One night, I came home from work early and she wasn't in. I didn't have any idea where she would have gone because she'd recently complained to me that she had no friends working in the library. The fellow librarians were too quiet next to her vibrant personality so I knew she wasn't out with them. I suppose the thing that annoyed me was what that she hadn't said anything at dinner about going out when we were talking. She had merely kissed me on the corner of my mouth, whispered that she loved me and then waved me off.

I decided to sit up for her because tomorrow was both our days off and we had made plans to spend it together. I had been willing to sacrifice my time to sleep just to be with my wife but she had obviously had better ideas. It eventually hit half past three, I would have been coming home normally in half an hour when the door opened and my wife's drunken giggle hit me along with the sound of my brother's voice.

They stumbled into the living area and were whispering about how not to make too much noise. I remember flicking on the lamp next to me and looking at them, "why be quiet when I'm supposed to be at work?" They both stopped dead and turned to look at me. That was when I noticed my brother's eyes for the first time. They were wide and bloodshot. I knew what they had been out doing together and I felt my heart sink. "How could you...?" I whispered to them both and shook my head before standing up.

"Ewan..." She pleaded moving towards me but tripping over the table at her feet, I bit back tears as I laughed.

"Is marriage with me that unbearable you need to drug yourself up to survive?" I asked coldly and she winced at the harshness in my words and even though I was angry, I just wanted to take her into my arms and promise to never talk to her like that again but I was so angry. I felt physical anger towards my brother.

"No it's nothing like that. I just love the feeling of being alive again!" She cried out and I felt myself freeze as I looked down at her.

"Oh so I make you feel dead?" I laughed.

"No I just wanted to have some fun. It feels as if you're hardly home!"

"I'm out nearly every night to make sure we can keep this roof over our heads..."

"Well I'd rather live in a box and then not spend a second with the man I love."

"You don't love me, Krystal. I'm your safety net. I'm the one you run to when you're in trouble." I noticed that Ronan was starting to flop on the couch. "You only married me just in case you were pregnant."

"And you just married me to hide your homosexual tendencies." She spat out back and I bit back the urge to slap her. This was the times where Domestic Abuse was just brushed under the carpet but I had never agreed with it.

"I'll forget that you said that seeing as you're out of your head but don't think next time I'll let it slide past as easily." I hissed and I moved towards her, my hand stroking back her hair like I had done that night she had cried in my arms. "All I've ever wanted to do was look after you and if you're going to go out and have a party on drugs then I suppose there is nothing more I can do."

She went to reply but I simply moved towards the stairs. "Tell him to sleep on the couch. I don't want mum seeing him that buzzed."

"Why can't he sleep in the spare room?" She asked and I just looked at her with a bored expression.

"Because that's where you're sleeping, sweetheart."

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**The Make Up**

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We stayed silent for the rest of the weekend. If she entered a room, I left it. It was simple as that. Her words had angered me even more than her actions had done. I curled up in my bed that Sunday night planning on getting a goodnight sleep because I was at the club helping set up equipment or something for this thing they were doing. I didn't really listen, I just turned up.

The door to my room opened and she walked in wearing her long cotton dressing gown. Her hair was down and dripping as if she had just got out the bath but I knew that she had been outside in the rain. I could smell it. Her feet were also bare and filled with sludge. I knew she had come down to earth pretty quickly after my response but I didn't think she'd act this weird. I knew she was a little eccentric but standing in the rain? That was a little out of her characteristics.

She moved towards me and knelt down where my head was resting. She stared me straight in the eye and whispered, "I've cleansed my soul for you. Please forgive me." I looked at her gone out before realised that she had subjected herself to standing in the rain as some kind of punishment. Her skin was a pale blue and her hands were trembling where they rested on my bed.

I sat up in my bed and stroked back her hair, my head shaking as tears escaped my eyes. "You stupid..." I stopped talking as I moved to hold her. "Beautiful idiot." I finished not caring that my tears were in vain. They wouldn't stop her from being an idiot and I was aware that she wasn't even listening to me. I just held her in my arms and told her that everything was going to be okay. It had to be okay.

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**The End**

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We carried on like that for a whole year. She would go out with my brother, get high on whatever was on offer and she'd come home to have an ice cold shower because she believed that was her washing away her sins for betraying me. I turned a blind eye to it. As long as she was never drugged up when we were together, when we were intimate or when our parents were over then that was fine with me. I didn't want to admit it was happening but I knew there was no way she would be able to stop now. She was too far in.

I could have locked in a room until she went cold turkey but I think that's pretty inhumane. I mean, if someone did that to me I'd be pretty pissed so I just let her continue on her way with the drugs because it made more sense. I believed she was safe with Ronan at first but eventually when Ronan told me he was off the drugs, I was afraid of whom she was with. I suppose I just kept a blind eye to it because I didn't want to know.

That night, she kissed my cheek and promised me that she wouldn't be in too late. That tonight was going to be a clean one. She knew that if Ronan could get off them then so could she. She was just going out to have fun with her friends and I understood that. I was ecstatic that she had decided to see sense and quit the drugs. I was a complete fucking idiot, wasn't I? I must have gullible stamped all over my forehead.

It was about three am when I got the phone call off the police saying that they had found a body who they believed was my brother. They would rather I come down and state that it was rather than my parents. The woman he was with had apparently also asked him to phone me rather than our parents. I went down to the police station and saw her sat there, her tee shirt was ripped and in her hands she held Ronan's favourite chain, our father's dog tags. I moved towards her. "What happened?"

"He overdosed." She explained through her tears and I just stared at her in horror. I prayed that the floor would eat me up whole so that I never had to hear those words said to me again. My own brother had overdosed on drugs. A police officer came over to ask if I was Ewan McIntyre and when I agreed, he led me into a small room where there was a window... you already know all this... and the curtains opened. There lying on the cold metal table was my older brother. His arm was covered in bruises and the ME explained to me that he had probably been that out of it, he had pierced himself in the wrong place several times. I looked over at my wife and felt disgust, hatred and pity all at the same time. I no longer felt love though. I knew that had gone. She had killed my brother.

I took her home. They asked me too. It was wrong for me to leave her there. I'd have had her thrown in the cells personally but no one believed with my thesis. I remembered walking in to our front door and taking off my coat. The silence was uncomfortable as if we both knew that we should talk about it and eventually she whispered, "I'm sorry about Ronan, Ewan."

"You want to know what I want to know. The ME said there were signs of sex. Do you want to know why he told me?" She didn't answer but eventually shook her head. "Well it's tough. I'm telling you." I told her standing up and moving towards her. "My brother has HIV." I watched as her eyes opened in horror and I just smiled. "They said his bed partner should get tested."

"Ewan..." She started and I just looked at her.

"I won't end this marriage because of your infidelity." I simply told her, "but I want you off drugs."

"I can't do that, Ewan. They're my life." She pleaded with me and looked at me. "Ronan understood that. You practically pushed me into his arms." She shouted at me and I shook my head.

"Ronan was coming off the drugs."

"I know but I wanted to check out that party so he said he'd be my partner for the evening to make sure I was okay."

"Well I suppose I should be grateful that he was a gentleman in his last moments." I ran my hands over my tired face. "How long were you sleeping with him?"

"Ewan..."

"How. Long. Was. You. Sleeping. With. Him?" I asked slowly interrupting her and she had the grace to look away in embarrassment.

"It's been about six months now."

"Does he give you the passion you wish you'd had from the beginning?"

"It only ever happened when we were wasted or high, I swear. It was nothing special. It was animal, raw."

"I don't want to know anymore, Krystal." I said patiently before looking at her seriously. "It's me or the drugs." I simply said then and I remember her turning to look at me. I saw the conflict in her eyes but I also knew which one she was going to pick when her eyes started to water. I looked away from her.

"Ewan, I do love you." She whispered moving towards me, her arms wrapping around me as she pressed a kiss in between my shoulder blades. "I just finally fit in somewhere." She explained and then her warmth disappeared. I didn't turn round until I heard the soft click of the front door. Her coat was still resting on the couch and it was raining outside. I wanted to run after her and tell her I could handle the pair of them. I could take the drugs as long as she loved me still. I just knew that she loved Ronan. She needed the drugs to be close to him.

I slept that night with her pillow where I could smell her perfume. It hurt me knowing that my marriage had lasted only two years but I suppose that it was better for us to end then go on pretending that we were happy.

* * *

**Happy Ever After?**

* * *

I didn't think I'd find the 'love' that I'd had with Krystal with anyone else. I was open about my sexuality now because my father had long since passed away. Cancer. My mother was proud of me and said that she had already had her doubts but hadn't said anything. She had been there for me when I was first hurt by a partner, there when one of them got handy with his fists and obviously there when Ralph needed someone to look after. My mother is a real saint and I love her.

I didn't think I'd have anyone else to love and hold. Someone I would want to spend the rest of my life with but I have you now. I suppose I'm too lucky to have you in my life. You learnt that I'd kept most of my past from you and yet you still loved me. You're willing to treat my daughter as if she was our child and for that, I know I love you more than I could ever love anyone in the world.

I don't know why I've written this document. I suppose it's because I wanted to finally get it out. I've had it held inside of me for so long. I know most of its missing. Ten years together being written up into a few pages sure means I missed out a lot of the good times that me and Krystal spent together and there were plenty of them. I did enjoy my life with her when we were having those happy moments. I loved her like you'd love any best friend and me suppose a part of me would wish that she would be like that again. The lively, gorgeous redhead that could steal your heart with a single smile instead of the thin, dirty woman that we saw that first night when she brought Ronan to us. I actually think you'd have liked her too. She was kind of like Jackie back then. A good giggle but warm hearted. I suppose times change, aye?

*******

There was a knock at his door and Ewan looked up before calling that they could come in. The door opened and he smiled at his partner who was holding their beautiful daughter. "Oh now what do I owe this pleasure?" He asked smiling up at them and Stuart looked down at Ronan.

"What do you have to say to daddy?"

"I passed my spelling test with top marks!" She cried and that made Ewan smile. She had been slow in her classes because it appeared that Krystal had never had her enrolled in a school so she went to school and Ewan also paid for a tutor.

"I think that's worth me finishing work early and take my wonderful family out for a celebratory meal!" Ronan cheered in Stuart's arms and Ewan smiled even more. He climbed out from behind his chair and pressed a small kiss to his daughter's forehead before watching as Stuart put her down and she ran out to snaffle a free drink of cola off Sammy like she always did. He turned to smile at Stuart.

"I've missed you today." Stuart whispered moving closer to his lover and Ewan laughed before taking his lips gently, his hand moving up so that he could tease the blonde waves with his fingers.

"Not as much as I've missed you." Ewan promised before kissing him again and smiling. "So where should we go?"

"We should let Ronan decide seeing as it's her treat."

"I don't think I could take another MacDonald's." Ewan pouted making Stuart laugh as he reached up to press a kiss against them, his hand on Ewan's loosened tie so that he couldn't move away from him.

"Well don't put it in the options." He advised before hearing their daughter running towards them calling their names. "Are you going to shut down your computer and get ready to feed our starving princess?" He asked and Ewan just nodded.

Sitting back at his computer station, he looked at the word document that he had just poured his soul into before looking up at his new family. Ronan was poking Stuart's nose and he was trying to catch the finger with his teeth. The giggles from his daughter and the rich laughter from his fiancée made him smile as he realised that focusing on the past wasn't going to achieve anything. He pressed the cross at the corner and when it asked if he wanted to save, he considered for a moment before pressing no. The document vanished and he stared at the screen with an empty expression.

"Are you okay?" Stuart's voice ripped through his thoughts and he looked up to see both Stuart and Ronan looking at him with concern. He smiled and stood up.

"I'm just worried about you wanting to eat our daughter's finger!"

"He isn't really going to eat my finger, daddy!" Ronan giggled holding out her arms so that Ewan would take hold of her. He took hold of her and smiled.

"That's good because I don't think we'd be able to cope with only nine fingers."

"You only have eight fingers anyway!" She giggled throwing her arms around his neck and holding him close in a hug as if feeling sorry for his stupidity. He just laughed before taking hold of Stuart's hand.

This was all he wanted and needed in the world and nothing was going to change that.

Nothing.

*******

**AUTHORS NOTE: The religious moments are seriously played up in this story, I hope. If it's really that bad then shizzle!**


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